All the Broken Pieces

On Saturday, Matt’s parents go to a funeral, and Matt hears them talking about how the deceased person “lived a good life” (83). He wonders, if people don’t live well, if they “do something terrible,” then “do they ever find peace?” (83). Because Matt’s parents are attending the funeral, Jeff takes Matt to his baseball game, and Matt is excited to ride in Jeff’s silver Corvette. Even though the Lions win, Matt “bobble[s] a hit” (85) because he looks back to see if Jeff is watching, and the other team gets a run. Rob asks him, “What’s the matter, Frog-face?” (85) in response to his fumble.

Jeff takes Matt out to lunch, but Matt is still upset about the game, even though Jeff tells him that “even Ron Guidry / makes mistakes” (86). Then Jeff says he wants to talk about Vietnam, and fear “explodes” (87) inside Matt, “shattering everything” like “a thousand / scattered bullets” (87). Matt flashes back to a scene where he’s running through mud and rain, struggling to carry his brother’s “bruised and wailing body” (89) home to his mom, who tells Matt what happened isn’t his “fault”—he’s not the one “who leaves traps / for small children” (89).

Matt comes out of the flashback to find Jeff is sitting on his side of the restaurant booth, comforting him. When Jeff takes Matt home, his mother and father are back, but Tommy is still with a neighbor. Jeff says he wanted to “ask” Matt something, “but he got upset” (92). Matt is confused, and finally his mom says she and Matt’s father have “been meaning to talk to you” (94)—and Matt is sure they’re going to send him away. He panics, wondering “how many more piggyback rides / [he’ll] give Tommy” (94) and how much longer he can sleep in his own bed.

Matt’s mom says she wants Matt “to stop running” (96), and Matt grows even more confused—he’s trying to stay, not run. Matt’s dad reminds Matt that Jeff was a medic in Vietnam, and he starts talking about men with “missing fingers / and arms / or even legs” (97), perplexing Matt further. Jeff says that Matt might be able to help these people, and his mom adds that Matt might get help too—and Matt starts to realize that “they are not / sending [him] away” (98). Instead, they’re encouraging him to attend a meeting of Vietnam veterans called Veteran Voices.

Matt’s mom takes him to the Veteran Voices meeting room before the meeting so that he’ll feel comfortable. Matt is so nervous he feels like he’s “in an elevator / that won’t stop climbing” (99), and he has the same sensation when his father takes him to an actual meeting. Matt is surprised to see the vets wearing casual clothes, and even peace signs on their jackets. Matt thinks that instead of “soldiers,” they simply “look like / beat-up men” (101). Jeff is at the meeting as well, but Matt can’t imagine Jeff holding a weapon like the rest of these men have.

Matt and his dad have arrived after the meeting itself is over, when the vets are mingling, and Jeff introduces Matt to a man named Christopher. Matt notices Christopher’s “clear, light blue” eyes like “circles of pool water” amid the “crater[ed]” (104) surface of his scarred face. Jeff explains to Matt that Christopher was a talented pitcher known as “Whirlin’ Will” (104) before the war, but now he is missing an arm and uses a wheelchair. Matt’s dad tells Christopher he was “sorry to hear about Celia” (106), and it becomes clear the two men know each other. Matt’s dad starts talking about their mutual high-school friends and says that Matt’s pitching skill reminds him of Chris’s.

On the way home, Matt asks who Celia is, and Matt’s dad answers that he was Chris’s wife who left him. Chris and Celia were “high-school sweethearts” (109), Matt’s dad explains, until “the war changed Chris” (109). In fact, Matt’s father adds, “the war changed us all” (109). Matt’s parents used to be close friends with Celia and Chris, but the war damaged that relationship too. Matt starts thinking of all the lives “ruined” (111) by the war and blaming himself. “Because of you,” he imagines Chris telling him, “my wife left” (111). And “because of you,” he concludes, picturing his own brother speaking to him, “I have stumps instead of legs” (111).

At home, Matt’s parents tell him they’ll support him whether or not he goes back to the meetings, but Matt does want to return—he “hope[s] it works / out for someone, / maybe even / for me” (112). Matt asks his dad why he didn’t go to Vietnam, and his dad says he went to medical school instead—it was “a legitimate deferment” (113). Matt’s dad wanted to be a doctor ever since he was a kid, when he found a bird who’d fallen from the nest and wanted to care for it, but the bird flew away on its own. Matt’s dad has always hoped to help people, but seeing what’s happened to Chris and Jeff, he questions if the choice to become a doctor “was […] enough” (114). At night, Matt hears his mom urging his dad to “stop feeling guilty” (115), and Matt wonders if adopting him was a way for Matt’s father to assuage his guilt—“maybe for Dad,” Matt thinks, he’s “like the coin / you drop in the poor box / at church” (115).

On the day of Matt’s next baseball game, it’s very cold, and Matt doesn’t play his best. While Coach Robeson encourages the players to simply try their hardest despite the weather, Rob asks Matt, “Hey, Frog-face […] Playin’ for the other team today?” (118). In the end, Matt’s team barely “squeak[s] by” (118) with a small victory. Later, Matt watches Tommy while his mother makes dinner. Because the bad weather is continuing, they play with Tommy’s toys inside and Tommy climbs on Matt’s back, pretending to ride Matt like he’s a horse.

The next week, a storm keeps the baseball team inside during practice, and Coach Robeson tells each team member to take one of the old baseballs he’s provided and start opening it up. They take off the leather covers, then a layer of twine, then wool yarn they have to unravel so that “unwrapped baseballs / zoom in every direction” (121). When each boy has revealed a small rubber ball, Coach asks who thinks “you’ve reached the heart of the ball” (122), and every boy believes he has. However, Coach tells them that “if you cut deeper” (122), the boys would discover the rubber is “another protective layer” (122), and beneath it is a cork core—“the heart of the ball” (122). Coach hopes that “a closer look” (123) beneath the surface will help the boys understand how the baseball works—and the same strategy might apply to larger issues in life. Matt isn’t so sure he agrees, but he still puts “all the broken pieces” (123) of his ball in his pocket for safekeeping.