Always and Forever, Lara Jean

“I’m on a roll now. ‘You’re the only boy I’ve ever kissed kissed. And you were the first. First kiss, first boyfriend, first everything! You got so many of my firsts, and I didn’t get any from you.’” 

Lara Jean is inexperienced, and dwells on this aspect of her relationship with Peter. However, in this case, Peter can tell her she is off base. He confesses to have lied about his first kiss; he did not kiss someone at the beach, so Lara Jean was his first kiss by way of spin the bottle. Lara Jean is elated, choosing to focus on their newfound equality rather than his extended lie.

“Those are the kinds of questions people ask each other, and if anybody ever asked them of me, I would have to say that I’m a virgin, and in some ways, that’s even more subversive than any other answer.” 

This passage highlights Lara Jean’s insecurity about her own sexual development. While she insists she and Peter are strong and communicate their desires for one another, she is openly worried that others will find out and judge her for her decisions. She does not want to have to tell her friends that she is a virgin, but her desire to please them doesn’t outweigh her desire to remain true to herself.

“Everybody laughs, and Lucas has a slight smile on his face as he takes another swig of Vitaminwater, but I can see the tension in his neck, his shoulders. It must take a toll, having to be on guard for these kinds of questions, ready to deflect, to smile, to laugh it off. My virginity question is tiny in comparison. But I still don’t want to answer.” 

The topic addressed in this quote is Lucas’s sexuality. He is gay, and he is the only openly gay character in the book—but even he is not “out out.” A friend has just asked him in front of the whole class if he’s had sex with another man. Lara Jean’s acknowledgment of the enormity of his burden in comparison to her own is swiftly followed by her admission that she still wants to be removed from the line of fire. Something that could be a source of solidarity for Lara Jean and Lucas, Lara Jean hides out of personal shame.

“But now that I’m here, it’s not so scary, not with Peter by my side. I steal a look at him. Is this how it goes? You fall in love, and nothing seems truly scary anymore, and life is one big possibility?”

Lara Jean and Peter have just spent a weekend together in New York City with their classmates. Lara Jean is prone to these kinds of overblown soliloquies about her future and the nature of love. She believes that love has the power conquer all and overcome all obstacles. Her view is naïve and pure and reminds the reader in these moments that she is very inexperienced.

“Everything is ruined. My chest hurts; it’s hard to breathe. All of my plans, everything I was counting on, none of it will come true now. Me coming home for Sunday night dinner, doing laundry on weeknights with Kitty, Peter walking me to class, studying all night at Clemons Library. It’s all gone.” 

Lara Jean’s reaction to finding out she has not been admitted to UVA is strong and public. The message comes while she is at school and able to see the expressions of those around her who have gotten in. Her description is similar to that of a panic attack. Her chest hurts, and she finds herself unable to breathe; all her plans for the future are flooding and overwhelming her. This is the novel’s inciting incident, as it fashions the main conflict that hovers over the rest of the narrative. 

“She was walking around like she lives here! And since when do we have Fresca? We’ve never been a Fresca-drinking family.” 

Margot feels left out from her own family upon returning from her university in the UK. Trina has not moved in, but Margot feels her presence in the home. While several years have passed since their mother’s death, the three Song girls are still adjusting to their father’s new fiancée in their own ways. She even wonders, “What’s the point of getting married?” Her perspective is important here, and it may resonate with many children whose parents remarry later in life. She is searching for her place in a new family dynamic that she did not ask for or agree upon.

“Right! My point is, losing your virginity on prom night is a cliché, but clichés are clichés for a reason. There’s a practicality to it. You get to stay out all night, you look great, et cetera, et cetera. It just makes sense.”

Chris suggests the possibility that Lara Jean will lose her virginity to Peter on prom night. Lara Jean is embarrassed because she had not planned that out, and because Chris saying that in front of Lucas means she had to admit to him that she and Peter weren’t having sex yet. Lara Jean is capable of seeing past this moment, admitting she’d planned to have sex after getting to college. In this way, at least, she is able to resist the performance of high school rituals.

“Thinking of Peter in his twenties, I feel a sense of yearning for the man I may never get to meet. Right now, today, he’s still a boy, and I know him better than anybody, but what if it isn’t always this way?” 

Lara Jean and Peter have known each other since they were “kids,” and while they may feel more like adults now, Lara Jean is aware that Peter is not done growing yet, as a person, and neither is she. There is a sense of comfort in knowing someone better than anyone else, but it can be fleeting. She questions whether the pair will always be as close as they are, reminding the reader that time is fleeting and mutable.

“‘Stormy lived more life in one night than most people do their whole lives. She was a force of nature. She taught me that love—’ My eyes well up and I start over. ‘Stormy taught me that love is about making brave choices every day. That’s what Stormy did. She always picked love; she always picked adventure. To her they were one and the same. And now she’s off on a new adventure, and we wish her well.’”

John Ambrose McClaren’s grandmother, Stormy, was very close to Lara Jean’s heart. In front of John Ambrose, she delivers a well-crafted eulogy on Stormy’s behalf, encapsulating her love of adventure. At this point in the narrative, Lara Jean has been struggling to choose adventure in her own life. In some ways, this tribute gives her the courage and permission to choose her own path and create her own future in this narrative.

“I’m proud of Peter out there, at how he dances so tall, with his back so straight. At a pivotal moment in the song, Peter dips Ashanti, and everyone hoots and hollers and stomps their feet, and I’m proud of that, too. People are so sincere in their affection for him; they can all celebrate Peter because he is nice, and he makes everyone feel good.” 

Peter is crowned prom king, while Ashanti (not Lara Jean) is queen. It isn’t a surprise to Lara Jean that she wasn’t chosen, and she does not react angrily or with jealousy like young women might in so many other Young Adult narratives. Instead, she admires Peter from afar, as she believes he is worthy of her trust. She notices the way others are affected by his easygoing personality—he evokes sincerity and celebration. At least to Lara Jean, Peter deserves popularity.

“That’s when I hear the opening notes of ‘If You Were Here’ by the Thompson Twins. My hands fly to my cheeks. I can’t believe it. Peter’s recreating the end scene from Sixteen Candles, when Molly Ringwald and Jake Ryan sit on a table with a birthday cake in between them.” 

Lara Jean’s birthday is the day after prom, and Peter has fashioned a surprise for her. Author Jenny Han places references to pop culture throughout her novel for the sake of grounding it in reality and to evoke a mood through nostalgia.

“It’ll be different when I have classes and a schedule of my own, but for now it feels like I am standing on top of a lighthouse, waiting for my love’s ship to come in. For a romantic kind of person, it’s not an altogether unpleasant feeling, not for now, anyway.”

It is barely summer, and already Lara Jean recognizes things are changing between herself and Peter. He goes away on a lacrosse trip with UVA, and she finds herself pining for him as they continue to miss one another’s calls. Recognizing she won’t feel so adrift once she has her own schedule, romantic Lara Jean is able to find a kind of joy in these missed connections, picturing herself as a lighthouse keeper. 

“What if I came here and I ended up loving it? What if, after a year, I didn’t want to leave? What then? But wouldn’t it be great if I loved it? Isn’t that the whole point? Why bet on not loving a place? Why not take a chance and bet on happiness?” 

Being at UNC with Chris gives Lara Jean a sense of current calm and, for once, excitement for her future. Her perspective shifts in an important way that is also impacts the narrative. She pictures herself “like these two trees, far apart but still touching […] I think maybe I could be happy here.”

“‘The perfect chocolate chip cookie,’ I intone, ‘should have three rings. The center should be soft and a little gooey. The middle ring should be chewy. And the outer ring should be crispy.’” 

Lara Jean finds herself experimenting with parchment paper for her “perfect” chocolate chip cookie, like the one in New York City. She says this to Peter, who is freshly forgiven for his drunkenness the night before. Lara Jean’s particularity here shows her perfectionism and her obsession with how things “should” be, both in a cookie and in romantic relationships. 

“‘She just…ran out of time.’ Daddy’s voice chokes a little. ‘We only had eighteen years together. We had as many years as you’ve been alive, Lara Jean.’” 

Lara Jean finds herself with some rare one-on-one time with her father after graduation, and the topic shifts to her mother. While Lara Jean knows her mother wouldn’t have regretted having children, she believes it would have shifted her priorities, but her father assures her she never gave up on her goals. However, it is what he says about their relationship here that has a strong impact on Lara Jean’s concept of romantic love; if 18 years is just a drop in the bucket, she must make a stronger effort to remain relevant to Peter.

“One day all of this will be proof, proof that we were here, proof that we loved each other. It’s the guarantee that no matter what happens to us in the future, this time was ours.” 

Lara Jean presents her finished scrapbook to Peter. The evening is bittersweet, as Peter’s father has just missed his graduation ceremony. But Lara Jean is determined to show him the enormous scape of her love for him, which in the moment, he interprets as a closing chapter on their lives together. They are not seeing eye to eye: her “proof” is his sense of loss, and of their time together coming to an end.

“I face him, and salty beach wind whips my hair around my face. ‘Okay, if you’re “just being honest,” then maybe I will be too.; Peter raises an eyebrow and waits for me to continue. ‘You acted like a jerk tonight. Insecurity is not a good look on you, Peter.’” 

Bravery in the face of romantic love is not a strong point for Lara Jean, despite her having had a strong role model in the form of Stormy. Here, the reader witnesses a rare moment where Lara Jean stands her ground against Peter in reaction to his behavior at the party. Her anger allows her to refuse his company without consideration for his feelings. 

“If someone is giving you a compliment, I don’t think they should have to tell you they’re giving you one; it should probably be obvious to the person receiving it.”

During Beach Week, Lara Jean finds herself at a party surrounded by Peter and Gen’s friends. One of them gives Lara Jean a backhanded compliment: “You seem shy and kind of babyish at first, but you’re actually very confident.” Lara Jean takes the girl’s words at face value, but she recognizes the sentiment for what it really is. When giving compliments, you shouldn’t have to explain them.

“Flatly he says, ‘Just stop it, Lara Jean. I saw this coming a mile away. Ever since you decided to go to UNC, you’ve been saying good-bye to me.’” 

The night of her father’s bachelor party and Trina’s bachelorette party, Lara Jean tells Peter he needs to be free to explore UVA and his experiences there as much as he can. He recognizes his mother’s influence on her decision, but he chooses to push her further away. Despite his bad behavior during Beach Week, he picks at Lara Jean for her approach to initiating sex: Like you were putting me in your—your hatbox. Like I played my part in your first love story, and now you can go on to the next chapter.’”

“‘This is it, Chris.’ I jump up and hug her. I’m trying not to cry. ‘It’s all happening now.’ ‘What is?’ ‘Life!’” 

Despite all the time Lara Jean commits to Peter and her family, she still manages to maintain a close bond between herself and Chris, and with several other friends. While their bond hasn’t been rock solid this year, they have been there for each other and will truly miss one another’s companionship. Jenny emphasizes this kind of bond between her female characters.

“Families shrink and expand. All you can really do is be glad for it, glad for each other, for as long as you have each other.” 

The night before her father’s wedding to Trina, Lara Jean realizes Margot has changed her tune toward the couple, and their decision to get married. With time, she has seen the positive impact Trina has on her father and on Kitty. Lara Jean turns this into a life lesson: families are flexible.

“Tears fill my eyes. ‘Honestly I regret breaking up with him and I wish I could take it all back!’ She tips up my chin. ‘Then why don’t you?’” 

Trina comforts Lara Jean the morning before her wedding, after Peter and Lara Jean break up. It is unusual to see Trina imparting serious advice on her stepchildren. She refuses to allow Lara Jean to wallow, giving her a constructive alternative. 

“I take this in. ‘Trina, when did you figure out that you and my dad were the real thing?’ ‘I don’t know…I think I just—decided.’ ‘Decided on what?’ ‘Decided on him. On us.’ She smiles at me. ‘On all of it.’” 

Earlier in the book, Margot questioned why her father and Trina needed to get married; she believed their relationship was fine as it was, no need to celebrate it or declare it in such a big way. But here, we finally have the follow through in Trina’s response: she just “decided”—on their dad, their relationship, and the girls. She decided to put all her faith and love into one family.