Confess

“It’s somehow sad and breathtaking and beautiful all at once.”

Auburn understands Owen’s art. They both have traumatic pasts that left wounds, and his art taps into those wounds, making them beautiful. Owen’s art turns trauma into art, giving trauma purpose and form rather than just pointless loss and harm. This is how Art Heals.

“Seeing all of these secrets and knowing that these people have more than likely never shared these with anyone, and never will, makes me feel a sense of connection to them. A sense of belonging.”

The confessions that inspire Owen’s art make Auburn feel less alone with her own secrets.

“But alas, I don’t want to think about high school or Mrs. Dennis or Palindrome Hannah because they are the past and this is the present, and Auburn is … somehow both. She would be shocked if she knew how much of her past has affected my present, which is why I won’t be sharing the truth with her. Some secrets should never turn into confessions.”

Owen refers here to the fate of Auburn showing up at his door five years after he first witnessed her love with Adam in the hospital. The synchronicity of the past and present represent fate, and he’s afraid that such intense information would be upsetting for Auburn. Later, it’s clear that the main reason he never tells her about their fated connection is that he doesn’t want the painting she thinks Adam made to be any less special. This shows his selfless character and the way he loves selflessly.

“We’re playing a game of hide-and-seek and the paintings are home base, apparently.”

Auburn and Owen talk about the paintings and confessions attached to them rather than addressing the unspoken tension arising from their secrets. Owen’s art is the focal point for many of their secrets.

“It actually makes me appreciate people more, knowing we all have this amazing ability to put on a front. Especially to those closest to us.”

Owen highlights the difference between confessions and secrets. The confessions make Owen feel less alone because people carry these secrets around and nobody knows. It reminds him that everyone has hurt, fear, and flaws, and this is part of what makes us human.

“It’s not gossip when I’m saying it to both of your faces. It’s called conversation. We’re discussing how you guys are attracted to each other and you want to fall in love…”

Emory has only a small role in Owen and Auburn’s story, but whenever she speaks she is the opposite of Auburn. She is forthcoming, speaks frankly, and it’s clear there are few gray areas in life for her. Emory serves as Auburn’s warrior. She says the things Auburn is afraid to say, she’s loyal to Auburn, and she protects her from danger, especially when Trey sexually assaults her.

“I did what I always do. I allowed the memories of my mother and my brother to talk me out of standing up to him. They’re my excuse. They’re his excuse. They’ve been our excuse for the last several years, and I’m afraid if I don’t find a way to stop using that night as my excuse, then Callahan and Owen Gentry will never be father and son again.”

Owen’s relationship with his father is rooted in their shared tragedy. Callahan turned to drugs, and Owen turned to facilitating his father’s addiction. They stay stagnant because both their behaviors are negative coping skills intended to manage their trauma. Unfortunately, they only keep themselves trapped in the trauma.

“I’ve never felt like I had purpose like I feel when I’m with her. I think about the first words I said to her when she showed up at my door. ‘Are you here to save me?’”

The first words Owen says to Auburn refer to his urgent need for someone to help him with his art opening that night. Those words foreshadow how she will save him by simply being in his life. He learns to stop enabling his father because he sees how much he would continue to lose if drugs stayed in his life. Her presence in his life increased the stakes of continuing selfish and harmful behavior.

“Feels like we’re in a confessional.”

Auburn says these words when she and Owen get into the child’s tent he bought her. She zips up a mesh screen divider in the middle, and it looks like the screen that hides the priest during a confession in church. Inside the tent, they share the secrets they hadn’t told each other.

“Maybe if I tell her the truth, she can accept it and trust me and know that as soon as I get back, things will be different.”

In this quote, Owen considers the benefits of being honest with Auburn. He’s hesitant to share the truth, even though The Dangers of Keeping Secrets has already kept them apart.

“[I]t’s not muscles that make men strong. Secrets do. The more secrets you keep, the stronger you are on the inside.”

Owen says this to AJ when he first meets him. In the moment he says it, the sentiment seems to go against the theme of The Dangers of Keeping Secrets. Near the end of the story, however, Owen reveals the truth about how he knows Auburn. It is a selfless secret, intended to protect and honor the love she had with Adam.

“Sometimes I miss them so much, it hurts me right here,’ he says, making a fist with his hand against his chest. ‘It feels like someone is squeezing my heart with the strength of the entire goddamn world’.”

Owen explains how much he misses his mother and brother, and Auburn recognizes the feeling as the same one she often feels for AJ. They bond because of their traumas and how they were both left with longing and heartbreak. He wordlessly expresses the feeling by putting his fist to his heart, a gesture they both use numerous times throughout the book.

“Because to her, nothing else mattered but my happiness. And I miss that. Sometimes I miss it so much, the only way I can make myself feel better is to paint her.”

Owen’s mother loved him selflessly, and he aches from the loss of that love. Painting saves him because Art Heals. It’s how he connects with the people he loves and loses and helps him process emotions.

“My mother says there are people you meet and get to know, and then there are people you meet and already know.”

Auburn’s mother advised her that she’ll feel an uncanny connection with some people; they won’t feel like strangers. Auburn considers that she feels that way with Owen, and she doesn’t feel that way with Trey.

“It’s amazing how much distance one truth can create between two people.”

Trey reveals to Auburn that Owen had been arrested for possession. When Auburn visits Owen in his studio later to discuss this secret he kept from her, she is guarded and withdrawn, which leads Owen to think this thought. Secrets have kept them apart, but this truth also pushes them apart because she doesn’t have all of the facts.

“I’m so tired of having to give up the only things in life I want.”

Auburn states what her life has felt like since Adam’s death. She’s done everything to get time with AJ, which meant giving up on so many things she wanted, such as college and staying in Portland. She’s upset that she believes she must give up Owen too. This moment is her “dark night of the soul,” which is the point in the narrative when a character feels there’s no way out of her predicament.

“Please don’t allow anyone to make you feel less than what you are.”

Even though Owen believes he and Auburn are over, he leaves a note for her when he drops off Owen-Cat for her and Emory to watch while he’s in jail. This line shows The Difference Between Selfish and Selfless Love: the difference between how Owen loves Auburn and how Trey tries to love her.

“The fact that he referred to Auburn as his girl is the last thing I wanted to hear, and that has nothing to do with my jealousy and everything to do with my instincts regarding Trey.”

Owen demonstrates The Difference Between Selfish and Selfless Love by putting his jealousy aside and considering Auburn’s happiness. This theme and the tension in the love triangle will come to a head. Trey will reveal his selfishness in terrible ways to Auburn, and Owen will continue to selflessly care for her. Auburn will leave Trey and choose Owen in the end.

“‘Your commitment is the only part of you that’s with Trey.’ He lifts his hand and presses his palm over my shirt, against my heart. ‘Every other part of you is with me’.”

Owen articulates the truth about Auburn’s relationships with him and Trey. Owen and Auburn connect because of their shared losses and pain, whereas her connection to Trey is functional and allows her to get closer to AJ. Owen’s gesture of pressing his palm to her heart recalls how he put his fist to his heart to convey strong emotion.

“I don’t want to think of you having to spend a lifetime with someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

Owen knows that he deserves Auburn because he understands her interiority. He recognizes his own hurts and losses in hers, and because of this they feel seen by each other. In this quote, Owen expresses selfless love because he’s not thinking about himself and losing her; he thinks only about what that means for Auburn.

“And no one else deserves to be inside you if they can’t get there through here first.”

Owen’s comment reveals how sex and love are inseparable for Owen. It’s the opposite of Trey’s actions regarding sex. Later in the narrative, Trey sexually assaults Auburn because he’s possessive and selfish regarding sex and love.

“I understand completely that you want to be with your son, but sometimes in order to save a relationship, you have to sacrifice it first.”

Owen speaks the truth about what selfless love means. When you love someone without trying to control them, it means that sometimes you have to let them go so they–and you–have the chance to be happy. In Auburn’s case, this means no longer trying to control her relationship with AJ through Trey and opening herself up to new, creative approaches to getting what she wants.

“[T]he tenderness that enters his eyes at the sound of my laughter makes me realize that this is what I want. Selflessness. It should be the basis of every relationship. If a person truly cares about you, they’ll get more pleasure from the way they make you feel, rather than the way you make them feel.”

In this moment, Auburn understands what love is. She understands The Difference Between Selfish and Selfless Love. Owen never wavered from selflessly loving her, and she sees now that this is what she wants.