Finding Me: A Memoir

Viola receives a role in the movie Doubt, which finally allows her to transition from the stage to Hollywood. She works alongside big names—Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams—and describes them as “one of the greatest casts [she] ever worked with” for how down-to-earth and focused on the work everyone was (260). In 2008, just before the movie is about to come out, Viola is named one of the 10 most promising artists to watch for and is invited to the awards event at the Hollywood Film Festival that year. However, the day before the ceremony, she begins to experience extreme cramps, and Julius takes her to the emergency room. Viola is diagnosed with an abscessed fallopian tube that requires immediate surgery. Tired of the numerous issues that seem to crop up with her reproductive organs, Viola instructs the surgeon to remove her uterus during the surgery. She undergoes a partial hysterectomy, missing the event at the Hollywood Film Festival. Viola receives her first Oscar nomination for Doubt, which makes her feel like she’s “become a success” (266). Two years after this, she adopts her daughter, Genesis, following a drawn-out process that lasts almost a year: She wants the joy that comes from “adopting a child, and […] [is] worth more than the sacrifice” (268).

While working on August Wilson’s play Fences, Viola auditions for the movie The Help. She remembers thinking that while the book was good, “there was a huge disconnect between what white people thought was great and what Black people thought was great” (269). Despite her misgivings, Viola agrees to do the role because of the great cast and directors. She has a wonderful bonding experience throughout the shooting of the film, forming enduring friendships with Emma Stone, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jessica Chastain, Octavia Spencer, Allison Janney, and Sissy Spacek. However, the country and culture is not ready for a movie like The Help, and Viola reflects on how there are Black narratives left unexplored or misrepresented in the source material itself.

In retrospect, Viola feels like her voice and others were being “tethered” when they spoke to the press. The film itself received criticism for portraying a “white savior” narrative, though Viola stresses that has nothing to do with the people involved; rather, she attributes it to “everything that has gone on, even now, with conscious/unconscious bias and microaggressions” (273). Despite the flak it received, she personally had a wonderful time working on the film. She ends up receiving an Oscar nomination for best actress in 2012 for her role in The Help, pitting her against one of her personal favorites, Meryl Streep, in Iron Lady.

Even after multiple Oscar nominations, Viola does not receive the same kinds of roles as her counterparts; the only exception is producer Shonda Rhimes’s company Shondaland, which casts her in the lead role of Annalise Keating in the series How to Get Away with Murder. This role is life-changing for Viola. She has never seen someone like herself play a character like Annalise, who is described as a “a sexual, smart, vulnerable, possibly sociopathic, highly astute, criminal defense attorney” (276), with both a husband and a boyfriend. Her casting is initially met with incredulity, as people comment that Viola would not be believable in a role like this. However, Viola eventually overcomes the self-doubt fueled by these whispers and her own insecurities and embraces the role. She goes on to “[redefine] the world’s view of Black women in America” (279), becoming the first person of color to receive a Primetime Emmy for lead actress in a drama series. The role of Annalise forces Viola to make peace with who she is, embracing herself and accepting that someone like her can occupy the mainstream labels of desirable, accomplished, and nuanced.

After beginning work on How to Get Away with Murder, Viola also reprises her role in Fences when it is made into a film. The confidence and self-discovery the former incited, along with her experience of now being a mother, allow Viola to completely tap into herself and deliver her best possible performance in the film. She feels her work over the years coming together in a “perfect moment” and goes on to win an Oscar for the role. Viola reflects on how every painful memory from her life has helped shape who she is today. Her growth and transformation lie, however, in the fact that she is no longer ashamed of her past and who she is. She holds others and herself in compassion now and has finally reconciled with her eight-year-old self: “I’m holding her now. My eight-year-old self. […] She is squealing and reminding me, 'Don’t worry! I’m here to beat anybody’s ass who messes with our joy! Viola, I got this’” (291).