Finding Me: A Memoir

Mae Alice and Dan Davis are Viola’s parents. Both of them are from South Carolina; they got married when Mae became pregnant with Dan’s child at the age of 15, the first of their six children. Mae Alice was born and raised on a plantation, the oldest of 18 siblings. She dropped out of school at a young age because of the frequent physical abuse she experienced for being a dark-skinned Black girl. She also experienced abuse and trauma in her own home, such as being blamed and beaten for the accidental death of her infant sister when Mae herself was just three years old. Mae grows up to be a fairly strong and fierce young woman, going on to participate in protests for welfare reforms in the 1970s, even getting arrested in the process. This fierceness translates into her mothering as well, and she defends her children whenever she is aware of their harassment. However, she is unable to escape the cycle of trauma and abuse that is, in some ways, her heritage; for much of the 48 years that she is married to Dan, he is an abusive husband. Mae is a product of her circumstances and conditioning, and she refuses to leave the marriage despite the abuse; this has a profound impact on not just her own life, but those of her children as well. It sometimes leaves Mae depleted of the resources to pay attention during important moments, and the sexual abuse taking place in her own home goes unnoticed.

Like Mae, Dan has experienced abuse in the past, which inspires him to run away from home at the age of 15 and become a horse groomer. He faces numerous frustrations at work as well, from being disrespected by the white owners of the horses he grooms to not being able to bring home much money. The demons in Dan’s past, combined with the frustration of the present, lead him to deal with his anger and pain in deeply unhealthy ways: alcoholism, infidelity, and abuse. However, Viola also describes Dan as a jazz aficionado and a brilliant storyteller. Dan is smarter than people seem to recognize; although he never had a formal education beyond the second grade, he learned to read from billboards on the roadside, coached by a friend. Some of the inherent talent and intelligence that the Davis children display is likely inherited from their father. Despite being a terrifying figure to his children when they are younger, Dan turns over a new leaf when he is older, inspired by the birth of his grandchildren. Needing to assume responsibility for a new generation of young ones, especially because the children’s parents do not have the resources to do so, gives Dan a much-needed sense of purpose at that stage of his life. Although his drinking continues, the rage subsides, and he eventually becomes a true partner to Mae. When Dan finally passes away in 2006, he is deeply mourned by the entire family.

Viola is the fifth of six siblings. In order of birth, her older siblings are John, Dianne, Anita, and Deloris; her youngest sister, Danielle, is born 11 years after Viola. Dianne is perhaps the most influential sibling in the context of Viola’s life. She first ignites in Viola the thought of living a different life than their parents and finding a way out through hard work and achievement. Beyond just planting the idea, Dianne blazes a path for her younger siblings, from leading and directing the sisters to their first taste of success in the local skit contest, to setting a standard of academic overachievement at school.

Viola’s childhood sees Dianne, Anita, Deloris, and Viola herself banding together to provide each other with a great deal of support. Each sister faces numerous and unspeakable traumatic incidents; nevertheless, they all work toward rising above their family’s circumstances, and Viola credits the strong bond of sisterhood between them with giving them the strength to do so. Besides Dianne, Danielle is the sibling who perhaps has the most impact on Viola’s life. Her birth becomes a positive force in Viola’s life. Besides the daily joy of the love shared between the sisters, Danielle becomes someone Viola needs to care for, bringing out Viola’s protective side after she has enjoyed the position of the youngest for so long.

Not much is said about John, the oldest sibling and the Davis sisters’ only brother. He does not feature in Viola’s recollections of daily life growing up, possibly because the memories are unpleasant. Viola describes how John sexually abused all of his sisters in ways that scarred them for life; later on, John fathers multiple children, at least one of whom is born with withdrawal symptoms because the child’s mother was a cocaine addict. John has no resources to care for his children, all of whom are eventually taken in by Dan and Mae. He seems to have gone down a different path than Viola and her sisters, and there is no indication that Viola was ever close with him.

Ron Stetson and Alan Langdon are two of Viola’s most influential mentors or teachers. Ron Stetson teaches Viola drama during her participation in the Upward Bound program when she is 14. Viola becomes convinced that acting is her calling in the very first class she has with him, when Ron outlines the hardships and difficulties that are inescapable in an acting career. Ron’s classes awaken Viola’s imagination, the first tool in her arsenal as an artist; besides this, Ron also has a huge impact on her self-worth, as he is the first person to ever call Viola beautiful. This provides a huge boost to Viola’s self-esteem.

Alan Langdon is one of Viola’s teachers at the Circle in the Square summer program in New York. Viola describes her experience with him as the best training she has ever received. Alan’s sessions are what leads Viola to see how acting is much more than just creating characters with specific mannerisms; it is about observing life and infusing these observations and insights into one’s art. Working with Alan teaches Viola how to invest herself emotionally in her craft.