Freedom

In college, Patty becomes friends with Eliza—“a disturbed girl who was basically her stalker” (49). After the rape, Patty began treating basketball like an all-consuming cult, seeking a level of care that she couldn’t get at home.

She meets Eliza at a party. The first sign of Eliza’s instability emerges when Patty asks Eliza to play the guitar for her after noticing it in her room. Eliza tries but grows enraged after making a mistake; she furiously accuses Patty of pressuring her.

Previously, Patty had only seen Eliza in a science class. The first time they meet, she tells Patty she is the best; she saw her play basketball the night before. Patty enjoys the flattery, though she is often uncomfortable with the intensity of Eliza’s compliments.

Eliza shows her a notebook that says PATTY on it and badgers her about asking for more minutes in the games. Each page has a drawing of a player with Patty’s number on the jersey. She asks if Patty has good judgment with men and constantly warns her that she is going to attract so much attention that she will be taken advantage of. Eliza correctly guesses that Patty was raped, though Patty does not confirm it. Eliza dislikes Patty’s other friends and tries to isolate her from them; Patty divides her two college lives into “Jockworld” and “Elizaworld” (55).

After eating marijuana brownies one evening, Patty wonders if she has a crush on Eliza. Eliza does not want Patty to go home for the summer, but Patty goes home anyways. Over the summer, Eliza writes to her and proposes safety rules for each other. She has very different, very controlling rules for Patty than for herself

In the fall, a boy named Carter becomes Patty’s boyfriend. That winter is her best athletic season yet. She enjoys her relationship with Carter, though he is openly sleeping with other girls.

Patty comes home early from a Chicago trip to find Eliza with Carter. Eliza says she and Carter were doing cocaine with another girl. Patty ignores her suspicions about Eliza’s relationship with Carter and chooses her over him. She agrees to live with Eliza in Minneapolis for the summer, but once Patty is there, Eliza stays out late nearly every night, leaving Patty at home.

Eliza becomes infatuated with a musician named Richard Katz, who has a friend named Walter. She takes Patty to one of Richard’s shows. Carter is there with a girl. Patty meets Walter, who gives her ear plugs and tells her that Eliza does a ton of drugs. Patty hates the punk music and goes outside. Walter follows her out and asks to take her home. He warns her that Richard isn’t very nice to women and says that he hates Eliza. Patty admits that she likes Eliza’s intense devotion, even though she know it is unhealthy.

Patty wishes that she was attracted to Walter, but primarily she wants to use him to get close to Richard, even though it makes her feel guilty. She goes out with Walter a few times, and he comes to her games. Three of Walter’s friends tell her about his impressive background and his ambitions in filmmaking.

Richard breaks up with Eliza, who blames Walter. She reveals that she quit going to classes six weeks earlier and now believes Patty is against her. Eliza calls Patty on Christmas and says she had leukemia. Patty avoids Walter over the coming weeks as she cares for Eliza. Walter finds her in February and asks for an explanation. He laughs when she tells him about Eliza’s leukemia; instead of being concerned, Walter asks if Eliza is still doing heroin.

Patty’s team plays against UCLA that night. She plays badly and feels terrible about herself. After the game, she cries and goes to Eliza’s apartment. She accuses Eliza of lying about leukemia and ending their friendship. She asks for the number of Eliza’s parents, who arrive after midnight. Eliza admits to her drug use and lying. Her parents call the scrapbook she keeps about Patty “obsessional” (91).

Outside, Patty is so relieved that she runs joyfully down the street, resolving to be a better person, daughter, and teammate. She slips and falls, injuring her knee. She has two surgeries over the next six weeks. The first surgery goes wrong. Walter visits constantly during her recovery. After she tells Walter about the rape, he grows passive and tender, afraid to act assertively with her.

She tells Walter that all she wants is a beautiful old house and two children. On a date, Walter invites her to move into a room Richard will soon be vacating. She wants to go there and have sex with Walter, but Richard is there, unexpectedly. She tries Richard’s chewing tobacco, which is uncharacteristic for her.

Walter falls asleep, and Richard offers to drive her home. In the car, he says it isn’t fair to lead Walter on. They argue, and she says she might ride to New York with Richard in two weeks.

On the trip, Richard tells her about Walter’s difficulties with women; he always falls for women in different circles from his. When they reach a bandmate’s apartment, she wants to have sex with Richard, but he sleeps on the couch and she cries in confusion. The next day, he works in the room while she reads. Eventually, she goes for a walk. When she returns, the apartment is empty. The next day, she makes a collect call to her parents. Walter picks her up when she arrives home and kisses her as soon as he sees her.

Continuing her autobiography, Patty thanks her parents for never encouraging her in the arts. Although her siblings attend elite private colleges, she relishes in her decision to attend the University of Minnesota, a Midwestern public university, on an athletic scholarship. She recalls that Walter is savage about anyone who hurts her feelings or uses her. She decides that she wants to defeat her sisters and mother by marrying the nicest man in Minnesota.

Patty and Walter marry three weeks after her graduation. She takes Walter to meet her family and is ashamed of being embarrassed of him. She “couldn’t help regretting that he wasn’t six-foot-four and very cool” (120). They stay in Room 21 at a hotel owned by Walter’s father. When she tries to be physical with him, Walter asks why she went on the trip with Richard. She explains that she needed to learn something about herself. Walter fixates on the trip, but eventually they have sex that night.

Three days later, Walter’s father dies. There are over 400 people at the funeral, though Richard could not come because of money trouble. Patty views Walter’s relationship with Richard as a sibling rivalry.

She describes Walter becoming roommates with Richard, who has no relationship with his mother. She left her family to move to California, become religious, and have more children. His father played saxophone. Richard always wanted to better himself as compensation for his parental void.

Walter resents Richard for abandoning him any time there was a woman he wanted to seduce. When they were seniors, Richard slept with a girl named Nomi to prove that she did not want Walter. He believed she was taking advantage of Walter. Walter worried that he was a parasite to Richard, and that Richard secretly viewed him the way he viewed the girls he discarded.

Richard always avoided alcohol while with Walter. But when he moves to New York, then to New Jersey, he experiments with drinking and reunites his band, the Traumatics. Their third album is a modest success. Walter and Richard grow close again, and Richard visits whenever the Traumatics tour. One night after a show, Patty says she feels sad for Richard. That night, Patty initiates sex with Walter and tries to convinced herself that their marriage is working.

Walter’s mother, Dorothy, dies weeks later. Patty remembers slashing Blake’s tires shortly after. She worries that she is becoming an alcoholic, and she is always concerned that Joey is more like Richard than Walter.

Richard forms a new band called Walnut Surprise after his bandmate, Herrera, dies in a freak automobile accident. He tries to pursue a normal, healthy relationship with a woman named Ellie Posada. She kicks Richard out after he resumes old habits with young women, and he is homeless at age 44.

Walter offers Richard the lake house in exchange for renovating it. When he arrives, Richard is shocked at the Berglunds’ marital discord and tells Patty she should drink less. She stays away from the lake house while Richard works. She gets in shape and cuts back on drinking.

Patty and Walter visit the lake house. Walter leaves for a trip, and Patty is anxious about being alone with Richard. One night, she asks him to sing to her while she cooks. He tells her that he refuses to ruin his best friend’s marriage. She goes to him late at night, unsure if he is awake. They have sex, even though he protests. In the morning, Richard packs up to leave. Instead, they have sex again. Richard says she must leave Walter, or they have to stop. At that moment, Patty realizes that she has fallen in love with someone who is as protective of Walter as she is. She also makes this mistake while Richard is genuinely trying to be a better person.

When Walter returns, he is annoyed that Richard hasn’t finished the deck. That summer becomes a second honeymoon for Patty and Walter. However, she and Richard are emailing within days.

Patty visits Jessica at college for Parents’ Weekend, where she meets Jessica’s boyfriend, William. After drinking heavily at lunch, Patty embarrasses Jessica by telling them about Eliza. Once Patty returns to St. Paul, her depression begins in earnest.

Richard releases an album called Nameless Lake and a “cult” (185) of fans springs up around him. Walter resents the success and does not understand why Richard never calls anymore.