Freshwater

Asughara argues that she has been loyal to both Ada and her brothersisters. Ada’s efforts to expel Asughara ultimately fail. Once, Asughara notices that Ada tells a therapist about her and forces her never to go back. They argue once again, and Asughara wins out.

Ewan returns and confesses his love for Ada. This relationship is the only thing over which Asughara seems not to have control. Ewan and Ada speak honestly on the phone, and Asughara concedes that it may not be a bad idea. Once they are truly together, for the first time, Ada is in her own body during sex. She cries afterward and explains to Ewan that it is because she always wore a mask during sex. Ewan assures her that he will no longer hurt her. For the first time, Asughara is afraid and heartbroken watching Ada break down after having sex without her, but Saint Vincent assures them both that they’ll always be there, even if they sleep more frequently in the background.

Ada and Ewan get married happily, and when Ada visits Asughara, they speak like friends. Ada confesses that she wants to be present during sex without Asughara there as her mask, but it’s not possible. Now that Asughara is controlling Ada less frequently, Ada feels sorry for her. Asughara reminds her that they are part of her. They block her from the “madness,” but they are not the “madness.” As Ada feels Asughara slipping away, she confesses that she does not want to lose Asughara, but Ewan wants all of her. It becomes clear that Ada cannot give herself to Ewan in the way that he wants, like he has given himself to her. She has too many secrets in the deepest parts of her that are locked away from even herself. Once the friction starts, Asughara pulls Ada away from him to save her from more heartbreak. Ewan starts drinking and smoking and moves away, which Asughara uses to remind herself that he is only a human. She lets Ada experience love to the extent that she is able, and now, once again, it is time for her to die.

Chapter 15 is from Ada’s perspective written in the form of a poem. The poem says that her mother worries about her. She compares herself to swollen opium and expresses the conundrum that they are in: Her mother’s daughter is inhabited by evil spirits, but she must keep her alive so as not to lose to the spirits. Ada tries to get away from her body in the only way she knows how: death. Ada is trapped in her body, screaming, trying to die, and fearing for her mother’s well-being.

Asughara explains that Saint Vincent stepped up within Ada after Ewan left. He dresses her in a binder and takes her to clubs and kisses women while Asughara plans to kill herself. At the same time, Ada’s brother Chima delivers the news that her uncle Uche died. Uche had been the only one who understood without explanation when Ada started dating women.

Asughara receives the news with anger—Uche has beaten her to it. She explains that some of Ada’s friends recognize how close she is to death. Asughara lets Ada live because Ada chooses coping mechanisms for the breakup that Asughara enjoys—tequila, sex, and cutting. Ada runs from the grief in any way she can.

At one point, Ada and Asughara sit together on the marble floor of her mind, chatting like friends. Ada asks her why Yshwa leaves her alone on the earth, not holding her when she was young and wanting to be cared for and not killing her now that she is older and wanting to die. They laugh about the fact that Asughara would gladly kill her, and then they reminisce on memories from college, wondering who, in fact, was deciding what to do or not do. They decide that it doesn’t matter. Ada mourns that Soren took the ability to have emotional, vulnerable sex from her and left Asughara, who only ever wanted to “fuck” (165), in her place. They laugh about Asughara’s strengths, and Asughara admits that she wishes that she never existed if it meant that Ada would not have gone through that. In this conversation, they switch roles repeatedly—they both joke, they both confess, and they both comfort. In the end, Ada asks her never to leave, and Asughara asks in turn that Ada come with her. They both know Asughara means that Ada should kill herself.

On the day that she does it, she sees her uncle in her kitchen and tells him that she’s ready to follow him. Slowly, she takes pill after pill. Asughara keeps track of the pills, and Ada thinks of all the people who have killed themselves—the ranks she is trying to join. Then, Ada’s lover calls her, and the plan dissolves. She confesses to him and a friend, and they call 911. Asughara somehow convinces the psychiatrist not to lock her up.

Smoke and Shadow take over the narrative yet again to explain that what Asughara tried could never have worked. It is not their body to take, and ogbanje cannot die from an overdose. They explain that as long as Ala wants them there, they will be there, even if their brothersisters call for them to return. Asughara sleeps with people all over the world, and Smoke and Shadow take credit for Ada’s breast reduction surgery. The suicide attempt had shown them two things—that they will not yet return home and that they have more control over Ada’s body than they thought.

Saint Vincent has more control, and Smoke and Shadow want to experiment with Ada, trying out things to make her body fit them better. The breast reduction was the start, but they want to prevent her from reproducing, too. Saachi tries to intervene in the surgery as Ada slips away from her, but ultimately she cannot control Ada and her interventions only make the ogbanje push her away further. In the end, Saachi takes care of Ada after her surgery. It’s not that the ogbanje want her to become a man—they are just inclined to explore and get comfortable in their body. They know that the concepts of male and female do not apply to them. They see this time in her life a pivotal one: “crossroads, the edge, resurrection” (184).

Smoke and Shadow admit that they find comfort in Yshwa’s past as a being with flesh. He returns to Ada’s marble mind to speak with her. Slowly, they notice that Asughara begins to listen to him in the same way that Ada did. They begin to see Yshwa as a brothersister, which makes it easier for them to accept him. Ada was not brainwashed or a member in church, but she used Yshwa and his undying love as protection from her ogbanje. They intentionally hurt people to feel good, and, although it fed their hunger, Ada felt love and empathy for people that they didn’t.

Yshwa sees Asughara clearly and calls her out for being lustful, and she has no excuse because he was in human form once. Ada has tried and struggled to steer the ogbanje toward Yshwa. Asughara says that when the hurt stops, then they will stop hurting, and Yshwa says that the hurt will never stop, but she should do it anyway.

This chapter is a letter that Ada writes to Yshwa. She tells him about a man she cautiously loves for what he gives her: friendship, sex, and enjoyment. Ada says that she does not ask for things from her lovers anymore and views life from far away, knowing that none of it really matters. She has another painter whom she loves, too. The more love she feels, the more love she feels. She knows that it travels with her, and she’s no longer afraid to lose it when she moves or changes. She says that it’s easier and freeing to focus on love.

She leads with the love, but she admits she still feels empty, lonely, and hurt. She meets men and feels some form of gratitude for them, but all she really wants is rest. She wants to sit somewhere and talk to Yshwa, wanting only him.