If He Had Been with Me

Autumn’s parents fight on the day after Thanksgiving, the argument ending with her father’s departure. Her mother goes next door to Angelina’s. Autumn makes herself a meal of Thanksgiving leftovers, thinking it can only be better than the tension-riddled meal the day before. She goes out on the porch to eat, deciding the cold is a punishment she will endure.

Some friends drop Finny off and he stumbles to his door, but he can’t find his keys. He sees Autumn and comes to her porch, revealing his state of inebriation. Finny sees that Autumn is cold and gives her his letterman’s jacket. Finny rambles about Autumn’s name; they talk about what it’s like to be drunk, Autumn revealing she’s never been. Autumn finds his keys in the jacket pocket, asking if he’ll talk to her when he’s sober. He says he will, but she doesn’t believe it. Finally, he asks her if she loves Jamie, and she says she does. After he goes home, Autumn lies in bed and remembers how he used to talk to her when she was sad.

Finny and Jamie both get their driver’s license. Angelina is worried Finny will get killed in a car accident. Autumn is worried about losing her virginity in Jamie’s car. Autumn has no interest in learning to drive. She often lies in bed at night listening for Finny’s car to bring him home, conscious of how close they are in proximity.

On the last day of the semester, Autumn is sick, but insists on going to school so she won’t miss two important tests. After taking her literature exam, Autumn rushes to the bathroom, ill. When she returns, Alexis accuses her of being pregnant in front of the entire class. Autumn survives the rest of the day. She pulls Finny aside when they arrive home and asks him to encourage his friends not to spread the pregnancy rumor. When he asks if she could be pregnant, she informs him she’s a virgin and is struck by the look on his face.

Autumn feels better by Christmas morning. She recalls how she and Finny used to spend the night of Christmas Eve together until their mothers decided they were too old for such a thing. Then they would rush to see each other in the morning, but that has also ended.

After exchanging presents, Finny assures Autumn that his friends won’t be spreading rumors. Later, Autumn learns from her mom that Sylvie broke up with Finny. Angelina told Autumn’s mom that Finny was heartbroken; Autumn thinks his heartbreak must be huge if he showed it to his mother. She’s angry with Sylvie for hurting him.

Back at school, Autumn notes the way Finny and Sylvie remain with their group of friends, rearrange themselves so they never sit side by side. Autumn tries to imagine what would happen if one of the couples in her friend group broke up, but can’t. Autumn makes Jamie promise he’ll never leave her.

It snows on Valentine’s Day. Finny isn’t at school. Sylvie gives Autumn an envelope for Finny. She stops by his house to discover he’s been in bed sick all day. He asks if Sylvie was nice to her, and Autumn says she was. At home, Autumn tries to nap but can’t stop thinking about Finny. She has dinner with Jamie that night.

Autumn and her friends are at Noah’s building a ramp in the snow to sled off of. Autumn initially refuses to go down the ramp with Jamie, but eventually gives in after Sasha and Alex go. As they slide down the ramp, they become airborne and Jamie’s head slams into Autumn’s eye. Everyone is upset; they rush Autumn into the house to put ice on it, but it quickly becomes a joke.

When Autumn returns home, her parents, Angelina, and Finny are having dinner. Finny is visibly upset at the sight of Autumn’s black eye, demanding to know if she’s having any alarming symptoms. He goes up to her bedroom to retrieve a sock and make her a better ice pack. Angelina teases him that he should be a doctor.

Later, as they watch television, Finny tells Autumn he has been thinking about becoming a doctor. Autumn tells Finny she’s thinking of becoming a teacher because it’s what Jamie wants for her, and they are planning to make their future together. Finny expresses surprise because he knows Autumn wants to be a writer. Later, Autumn discovers that Finny found an old picture of the two of them she had hidden in her sock drawer.

All week, everyone talks about Autumn’s black eye. On Friday, she runs into Sylvie in the bathroom. Sylvie tries to be nice to Autumn because Sylvie says Finny asked her to. Autumn laughs about it with her friends but comes to the realization that Finny doesn’t like his friends laughing at Autumn. In literature class, Sylvie and Finny sit together, making it clear they are back together.

On the first day of summer, Autumn is inspired to write a short story in which the narrator accidentally murders a friend. Angelina asks Autumn to help her tear down her classroom where she teaches elementary school art. Autumn agrees, finding satisfaction in taking the art posters off the walls and ceiling. As she works, she recalls attending this school with Finny, and how close they were as children.

Finny arrives and Angelina convinces the two of them to see their old teacher, Mrs. Morgansen. Autumn is embarrassed when Mrs. Morgansen assumes Finny and Autumn are a couple. They finish up in Angelina’s classroom and Finny leaves. Angelina takes Autumn to lunch.

Autumn and her friends are in Brooke’s backyard stargazing. They discuss the purpose of life, concluding it is happiness, although Autumn suggests that it’s about experiencing beauty, including sad things. Jamie argues with Autumn’s take. Autumn uses the example of Romeo and Juliet, prompting Jamie to ask if Autumn would die by suicide if he were to die. She says no and Jamie also says he wouldn’t. They decide they love each other in a real-world way, and not like a romantic trope.

Autumn is on the porch reading when she overhears Angelina and her boyfriend break up. Angelina tells Autumn to marry her first love.

Autumn and Sasha walk to the drugstore on a hot day. Sasha tells Autumn she plans to break up with Alex because she no longer feels a romantic connection to him. Autumn finds herself almost jealous of Sasha’s decision.

Autumn, Jamie, Noah, and Brooke go on a movie date with Angie and her new boyfriend, Dave. The guys check Dave out, making sure he’s good for Angie. They all decide they like Dave.

Autumn begins her junior year of high school by riding with Jamie in his car. Autumn is beginning to think about college, picking schools with a good education program and a creative writing minor. Autumn and Finny have honors English class together. They don’t speak at school, but Autumn overhears Finny tell a girl he plans to pursue medicine in college. She’s excited for him.

Autumn reluctantly goes with her mother to watch Finny’s first soccer game of the season. While she waits for the game to start, she reads a brochure from Springfield and decides she really wants to pursue creative writing as a major. During the game, Finny runs into another player and flips, appearing to have landed on his neck. Autumn briefly considers what life would be without Finny in hers, and she realizes she’s in love with him.

Autumn is waiting on her porch for her parents to pick her up for dinner. As she waits, she notices piles of leaves in the yard. She remembers how she and Finny used to jump in leaf piles, so she goes out and does so. Finny catches her, criticizing her for messing up his piles. She apologizes, even offering to bag them up for him. Her parents arrive. As they drive away, Autumn sees Finny jump in a leaf pile.

Jamie visits Autumn after going to the movies with Sasha. Both Jamie and Sasha like adventure movies, and Autumn does not, so they occasionally go to a movie together. Jamie brings Autumn a tiny dinosaur and stone as a gift.