If He Had Been with Me

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2013

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-18

Chapters 19-36

Chapters 37-54

Chapters 55-72

Chapters 73-89

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Themes

Multiple Forms of Grief

The novel begins with a description of a car accident that introduces the theme of grief. It is clear that Finny will not live to the end of the novel, and that Autumn feels a deep sense of loss. Finny’s fate is not discussed again until later in the novel. However, a different kind of grief still influences Autumn’s thoughts and actions throughout, beginning with the revelation that Autumn and Finny, while best friends from birth to middle school, are beginning high school as virtual strangers. As Autumn observes Finny and his girlfriend Sylvie at the bus stop, she reminisces on their shared past, infusing the story with her mourning for their friendship. This continues as the novel progresses, with Autumn often reflecting on how things might be different if she and Finny were still friends.

At the beginning of high school, Autumn begins new relationships, surrounding herself with a new group of friends that don’t include Finny and their previously shared friends, and starts a relationship with a new boyfriend. Despite appearing to move on, Autumn continues to reflect on her relationship with Finny. Autumn and Finny also find themselves thrown together because their mothers are best friends. Autumn grieves as she recalls how easy the now-strained relationship once was between she and Finny.

When Autumn and Finny rekindle their friendship and it becomes romantic, grief is absent. However, Finny dies shortly after and grief is reintroduced, changing everything about the way Autumn sees the world. Autumn is overwhelmingly sad, unable to envision a life without Finny. Her grief makes her previously diagnosed mood disorder more prevalent, and she is soon hospitalized. Grief changes everything for Autumn, altering her outlook on life.

The Impact of Adolescent Intimacy

Autumn begins the novel with her thoughts on romance. She witnesses her friends coupling up, including Finny and Sylvie, and she begins looking for someone for herself. When she and Sasha begin building a new friend group, they invite both boys and girls, hoping for an even number so that each person will have an opportunity for romance with a person of the opposite gender. Almost by default, Autumn begins a romantic relationship with Jamie. From the beginning, they share words of affection and begin to make plans for the future.

As their relationship grows, Autumn and Jamie imagine themselves as a married couple and as parents to future children. Their age restricts them from making any solid plans, but it doesn’t keep them from dreaming, something they do quite often at the beginning of their relationship. They even go so far as to discuss what professions they should pursue in order to provide for their children. In this, Jamie discourages Autumn from becoming a writer, making her feel that her dream of being a novelist is impractical and an impediment to their future happiness. In romantic fiction, the male lead typically validates the hopes and dreams of the female lead. By not supporting her ambitions, the novel suggests that Jamie is not the one for her.

At the same time Autumn and Jamie grow close, Finny dates Sylvie. Autumn watches their relationship from the sidelines. She is convinced that Sylvie is bad for Finny, but unaware of the intimate details of their relationship. Jealousy skews Autumn’s opinions in regard to Finny, Sylvie, and their friend group. This becomes a barrier between Autumn and Finny that delays the budding of their romantic relationship.

Autumn’s friend group includes three other couples. One of those couples deals with cheating when Brooke kisses her science lab partner, intimacy when Angie and Dave begin having sex, and teen pregnancy when Angie becomes pregnant their senior year of high school. As these things happen around them, Autumn and Jamie begin talking about the possibility of becoming intimate. At the same time, Jamie grows distant and stops telling Autumn he loves her, something she fails to notice.

In the end, Autumn finds herself dealing with all three of the issues her friends faced when she learns that Jamie has cheated on her with her friend, Sasha. This break up leads to Autumn rekindling her relationship with Finny, leading to their intimacy and the possibility of her own pregnancy.

The teens of this novel deal with issues that are more common in more mature relationships, almost practicing at what will come later in life. Yet, they face consequences that are real and life altering. Autumn’s relationship with Jamie allows her to build confidence in an intimate relationship, and then exposes her to the consequences of a failed relationship. However, if not for her experiences with Jamie, Autumn might not have been prepared for the more intense relationship she enters into with Finny. In this way, intimacy is a major theme of the novel.

The Subjectivity of Memories

The novel is written from Autumn’s first-person point of view. The reader is only given information that Autumn can see, hear, and comprehend. Autumn’s memories of her shared experiences with Finny are colored by her impressions, but do not include his. This leaves the reader missing some important information about her relationship with Finny that doesn’t come out until later in the novel.

When Finny and Autumn finally share their feelings with each other, they also share their memories of what caused their initial separation. Autumn recalls that her friends pulled away from her, judging her because she didn’t feel trying out for cheerleading was important. Finny sees that event differently, claiming that her friends felt that she was belittling them for wanting to be cheerleaders and distanced herself from them. At the same time, Autumn learns that when Finny kissed her on New Year’s Eve during the eighth grade, he did it because he loved her and hoped they could have a romantic relationship. He learns that Autumn thought he only kissed her to have the experience of kissing a girl.

As Finny and Autumn talk about their past, they discover how subjective memories can be. While Finny saw their experiences in one way, Autumn saw them in another, beginning with that kiss in eighth grade. Their different impressions continued into high school as Autumn make assumptions about Finny’s relationship with Sylvie and Finny made assumptions about Autumn’s relationship with Jamie. The novel’s title, If He Had Been With Me, suggests that if there hadn’t been that initial misunderstanding about the kiss—that memory they each saw differently—Finny would have been with Autumn all through high school and wouldn’t have needed to go out and tell Sylvie he was breaking up with her. Without the subjectivity of memories, Finny might have lived.