Love, Stargirl

Stargirl is heartbroken after her special relationship with Leo ended in rejection. She experiences a variety of painful emotions including grief, anger, loneliness, and self-doubt that she must work through to regain her confidence and become her authentic self again. As Stargirl recovers from her emotional wounds, she restores her sense of self-worth and achieves a mature understanding of herself and her vision for the future.

Betty Lou knows that Stargirl is “not at full strength” (197). Stargirl experiences saudade, or a melancholy longing for someone or something that one loves and has lost: Leo. For much of the novel, Stargirl is stuck on Leo, desiring something that she doubts can exist—the return of their relationship. Stargirl lives in the past, replaying happy memories. As she remembers and wishes for Leo, she increases her sense of loss, and feels lost herself. Stargirl wonders, “Can you lose your favorite person without losing yourself? I reach for Stargirl and she’s gone. I’m not me anymore” (40). She feels hollow, sad, and lonely.

Though Stargirl wonders what she did wrong in her relationship with Leo, she also resents Leo, and blames him for his immature choice to turn away from her love in favor of his peer group approval. Stargirl blames her sadness on Leo, and in doing this, gives away her power and self-respect. She shies away from examining her feelings too deeply, avoiding addressing the finality of their relationship. Stargirl, Betty Lou knows, is emotionally “vulnerable.”

The emotional impact of being rejected is significant. It affects feelings of self-worth and confidence. Stargirl’s new insecurity is evident when she returns to her small acts of kindness. She doubts herself and worries uncharacteristically about appearances, thinking others might feel she is interfering, or being a “busybody.” Stargirl turns to Perry out of loneliness, proximity, and her need for validation. Stargirl’s efforts to get Perry to notice her reveal her longing to feel valued by someone desirable and reflect her low sense of self-esteem. She plies Perry for compliments to feel desirable herself. She is jealous of the Honeybees, and deludes herself in thinking she can change Perry, or that he will be faithful only to her. Stargirl needs to feel special again.

Stargirl has a new fear of rejection. She worries about being dumped again. Her fears are realized when Perry does not visit Calendar Hill after she invites him. Her anger reveals how much her self-worth was dependent on Perry’s recognition. Stargirl both acknowledges her emotional weaknesses, and shies from them, commenting that Betty Lou sees “something inside me that I myself didn’t want to look at” (196).

Several factors help Stargirl regain her sense of self-worth and purpose. Betty Lou offers important life lessons about relationships, urging Stargirl to have self-respect and never chase after a man, or “grovel” for his attention. Stargirl must recover, and live each day for herself, not for someone else.

Dootsie’s example of giving also recalls Stargirl to herself. Stargirl recognizes that she gave up a key element of her personality to Leo, and refuses to let that continue, telling him “I won’t abandon myself for you” (45). Stargirl’s giving nature returns her to her the present: She takes responsibility for her emotions. She discovers the value of other kinds of relationships, including friendships and sisterhood.

Stargirl now understands what she wants out of a relationship—specifically her relationship with Leo: She wants to be seen and known. In describing herself to Leo, she uses all the names she has ever called herself, reflecting the stages of her life and self-concept, recognizing, and acknowledging who she is. By following her values, doing things for others, Stargirl overcomes self-doubt, gains confidence, and takes control of her life and future.

In Love, Stargirl, the importance of honoring the past, accepting the uncertainty of the future, and living in the present are emphasized throughout the story. Betty Lou expresses this theme when she advises Stargirl not to let issues from the past or worries about the future impede her experience of life. This Buddhist philosophy awakens Stargirl to the significance of making every moment count. She, Charlie, and Betty Lou suffer different challenges that prevent them from fully living their lives.

Both past events and concerns for the future impact everyone’s lives, and can have positive or negative effects, depending on how they are perceived. Charlie is a character who inhabits the past and is self-limited by it. Stargirl compares him to the Lenape maiden; “He had already leaped—it was just taking him longer to fall” (129), suggesting Charlie’s choice to spend his days with his dead wife is a death itself. Charlie gives himself completely to the past, erasing himself, believing there “Ain’t no before Grace” (240). Stargirl helps Charlie venture into the present: He attends the Solstice ceremony and is glad to honor Grace by sharing memories with Stargirl. In these ways, Charlie positively connects the past to the present, though he still allows it to dominate his life.

Betty Lou is crippled by her anxiety disorder. While she endeavors to maintain a positive attitude and enjoys her life moment-to-moment as best she can, Betty Lou cannot experience a full life. She recognizes, sorrowfully, that she cannot do things she once loved, like gardening. Betty Lou worries about her future and is concerned that her world will narrow even further to her bedroom. She exists in a limbo between past and future. Betty Lou’s focus on memories and worries is offset by the time Stargirl, Dootsie, and others spend with her. Social contact and Stargirl’s efforts to reconnect her Betty Lou to the natural world help make Betty Lou’s life more fulfilling.

Stargirl’s relationship with Leo drags her down emotionally, consumes her thoughts, and causes her to dwell on past events to the point that it affects her present. Stargirl’s anxiety about sharing a future with Leo and worrying about how Perry will respond to her also diminishes her enjoyment of the present, and dims her effervescent, giving personality.

Betty Lou tells Stargirl she must learn “How to Be Comfortable with Uncertainty” a central idea in Buddhist thought (194). Buddhist philosophy teaches that when one tries to change the past or control the future by worrying about it, they are living an unfulfilled life. Worrying is a form of suffering. The goal is, as Betty Lou says, to “Live today.” The way to achieve this goal is to focus on being in the present: enjoying every moment instead of reliving past issues or stressing about future ones. Stargirl understands that being in “the Now” is the peace she achieves when she meditates and becomes one with the universe. When Stargirl embraces this concept and lives in each moment, she stops her unproductive thinking. She takes her power back from others and achieves clarity with her thoughts.

Stargirl realizes that Leo is her true love. She feels regenerated, and vows to live in the present, “the dawn of a season that I will, as Betty Lou would say, inhabit one day at a time” (274). She releases past hurts and trusts to the uncertain future.

The past should not be ignored but celebrated in the moment. The decades’ worth of photos at the Huffelmeyer residence that captivate Stargirl and Alvina are an example of sharing and honoring the past. The natural world also connects people across time, reminding them of the past and carrying them through the present. The mockingbird’s song and the Solstice will continue uninterrupted over centuries, letting people in the present reflect on their link to the planet, as well as past and future times. Acknowledging and sharing memories and humanity’s connection to the natural world in the present are healthy ways to honor the past and accept the future.