Speak

At lunch, Melinda finds herself in the cafeteria, overwhelmed by social pressure. She observantly remarks on the people around her but does so in a shallow manner, as if she views them as objects. Melinda refers to one tall student as The Basketball Pole and accidentally runs into him, covering herself in potatoes and gravy. Everyone in the cafeteria laughs at her. When Melinda leaves to figure out what to do with herself, she runs into Mr. Neck again, who judges her harshly and gives her a demerit for wandering the halls. Rather than speaking up about what just happened, Melinda remains silent. Melinda feels misunderstood and apart from the world, bitterly saying, “All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say” (9).

Melinda is finally met with a positive experience when she has her first art class with Mr. Freeman; the space is colorful, music plays, and Melinda almost feels happy. She describes him as ugly but friendly, and Mr. Freeman begins his class with a speech about the importance of art in understanding and expressing one’s emotions, creativity, and soul. Mr. Freeman stresses the importance of images in communication, asking his students, “Are words or numbers more important than images? Who decided this? Does algebra move you to tears?” (11). Mr. Freeman then announces the year-long project that the students will undertake. Each will take a piece of paper out of a broken globe—each piece has the name of an object on it—and spend the year making it into art. By the end, Mr. Freeman explains, each student must be able to turn their object into a form of expression that “speak(s) to every person who looks at it” (12). Melinda is amazed that she gets to do such a fun project and pulls the word “tree” out of the globe. Although she finds the result mediocre at first, her teacher will not let her choose another word. Melinda will spend the year creating trees, introducing one of the novel’s key symbols.

The tone changes to one of humor as Melinda recounts her Spanish class. Melinda’s Spanish teacher makes a vow to only speak Spanish for the year, which means that she has to act out many of the things she says and allow the students to guess at it. Melinda jokes that it is like a game of charades as the students call out various guesses—some serious, some not so serious.

Two weeks of school have passed, and Melinda has survived being ignored by old friends and regularly bumped in the halls. She sits with Heather at lunch and talks to her on the phone in the evenings. Melinda also reveals some information about her family life, explaining that her family communicates through notes and rarely sees each other. Melinda’s mother manages a clothing store downtown and works long hours. Melinda avoids her father but does not yet reveal why. Melinda’s room is decorated with pink roses; she regrets this, knowing that it was something she and her old friends created together, but she does not want to redecorate and risk starting a fight between her parents. When her father gets home, Melinda goes to her room and crawls under her bed covers. She listens to her father prepare food, drink, and watch TV. She stares at herself in the mirror, feeling as if she is looking at a stranger, and bites her lip in a self-harming fashion: “It looks like my mouth belongs to someone else, someone I don’t even know” (17). Seeing herself this way upsets her, and she puts the mirror in the closet facing the wall. Melinda imagines how she will create her final art project, picturing a sullen face hidden inside a tree.

Melinda watches as her principal, whom she refers to as “Principal Principal,” is tricked by another student in the halls without a hall pass. The student explains that he is in a hurry because he needs to get the pass, and the principal does not clue into the manipulation. Melinda laughs at the foolishness of the person who is supposed to be leading the school.

Melinda dislikes gym class, feels insecure about changing in the locker room, and has no interest in sports like field hockey. What bothers Melinda most is being in class with a girl named Nicole. Nicole was in Melinda’s friend circle previously, although they never talked much. She is an athletic and confident girl who is not shy about changing and seems to excel at every sport. Melinda watches Nicole play every class, remarking on how cute she looks with a chipped tooth and how much she wishes Nicole was meaner so she could dislike her. Instead, Nicole ignores Melinda simply because the other girls, such as Rachel and Ivy, are not speaking to Melinda.

Melinda finds herself in the bathroom with Rachel. Melinda is fixing her contact lenses as Rachel smudges her mascara to “look exhausted and wan” (20). Rachel has changed her name to Rachelle and has been hanging out with the foreign exchange students. Melinda feels angry and betrayed by Rachel’s lack of concern for knowing the truth about the party or why Melinda called the police. Instead of speaking up, she tries to act cool and talk to Rachel casually. Rachel ignores her at first, then pulls out a candy cigarette and pretends to blow smoke in Melinda’s face before leaving the bathroom with one of her new friends. Melinda wishes she had a friend of any kind.

Melinda attempts to build a friendship with Heather and goes to her house after school. She almost immediately begins to find spending time with Heather tiring, as Heather constantly talks and pressures Melinda to do more. Heather wants to join five school clubs to socialize and “become a part of the school” (23). Melinda has no desire to join clubs and sees Heather’s enthusiasm and energy as a previous version of herself before the assault. It exhausts her, and Melinda describes Heather as being “like a dog that keeps jumping into your lap” (24).

Melinda still feels out of place and lost at school. Unaware that study hall was moved to the library, she shows up late and near tears. The librarian consoles her and explains the school’s late-pass system to Melinda. Afterward, Melinda sees Mr. Neck in the hallway and is certain he is after her for her missing homework. She hides in a janitor’s closet and finds it abandoned. It is filled with dust and old roaches but also has an armchair and desk inside. Melinda decides it is a great place for her because “it has no purpose, no name” (26).

Melinda plans to clean out the closet where she intends to hide during school. Instead, Heather finds her and takes her to the school pep rally. Heather is beaming with excitement, and Melinda is indifferent. Heather introduces Melinda to her friends from the school newspaper, and Melinda manages a tiny smile. One girl recognizes Melinda as the girl who reported the party over the summer, and people criticize Melinda. Melinda wants desperately to forget the party and knows she cannot explain why she called the police because she cannot confront the experience herself. Heather does not defend her for fear of social isolation. Melinda hears an animal noise in her stomach, and when the crowd starts cheering, she screams to let it out. The girls behind Melinda start physically harassing her, pushing her with their knees and pulling her hair. Nobody seems to notice.

The “Girls Who Have It All” (30) are perfect in Melinda’s eyes. To her, they must have no problems and wonderful lives. They seem to be pristinely pruned and excited about life. On top of this, cheerleaders live double lives. In one, they are held in high esteem by teachers and students alike; in the other, they throw wild parties and “get group-rate abortions before the prom” (30). Melinda admits that she finds the cheerleaders cute, but this irritates her because she is jealous of their happiness and social acceptance.

Melinda’s art class begins to fall short of her expectations. Although she has been enjoying painting lightning-struck trees (a symbol of herself and her experience) in watercolor, her teacher seems not to know what to think of them. Melinda paints the trees “so they are nearly dead, but not totally” (31). Other students hate their subjects all together and have no idea where to begin. Rather than guiding the students, Mr. Freeman tells them to look at works by old artists instead. Then, he launches into a 40-minute rant about the school budget cutting art supplies. Melinda feels disappointed, having thought art class would be her saving grace. Instead, she finds herself doodling trees in her notebook and wondering what to do next.

On Columbus Day, Heather invites Melinda over for a visit. Heather’s new room is finished being renovated, and Melinda describes it as being perfect for Heather. The room seems to exude Heather’s personality with its pristine organization and simplicity, and Melinda wonders why she cannot make her room do the same for her. Heather suggests they sign up for the school musical, and Melinda shoots down the idea. In her mind, Melinda thinks about how fantastic an actor she is; she smiles on command, pretends to have friends, and knows how to keep her parents from asking about her life. Ultimately, though, Melinda knows that she and Heather would be rejected from the musical and sees no point in signing up. Heather bursts into tears and yells at Melinda, telling her she is negative and mopey and questioning why it seems impossible to make friends at the school. Heather then apologizes and blames PMS for her outburst. Melinda does not know how to handle it, noting that Heather’s “room isn’t big enough for this much emotion” (35). She leaves Heather alone and upset.

At home, Melinda watches as her parents abuse each other and then her. As the three sit around the dinner table, they point out Melinda’s failing grades and her lack of honesty in showing them. Melinda’s father threatens her as he stabs a baked potato, telling her, “You get those grades up or your name is mud” (35-36). Melinda’s mother attempts to act sweet and polite to upstage her husband, reminding Melinda of how smart she is. When Melinda does not look at her mother, her mother demands that she do so. Melinda hears her mother use “the Death Voice” (36) and remembers how terrifying she found it as a child. She stares at her mother in the eye and then leaves the dinner table, listening as her parents begin fighting with each other instead.

In biology class with Ms. Keen, the students study cells under a microscope. Melinda finds it at least mildly interesting and mentions that her lab partner, David Petrakis, is both a genius and well-liked. She wonders how he manages to subvert the usual social order. Melinda pities Ms. Keen, believing that she is wasting her life teaching. She recalls the day that Ms. Keen wore a loud dress with blue roses on it and how much everyone gossiped about it.

Melinda likes math but dislikes algebra. She finds it impractical and sees no use for it in the real world. She shows up to class with only 10 minutes remaining, and her teacher calls her up to the board for a problem. To Melinda’s horror, he then calls Rachel up to help her. Rachel solves the problem as Melinda stares and bites her lip, saying nothing. She zones out, thinking about her lip, and the class laughs at her. Melinda admits that her algebra teacher seems nice, but her “brain doesn’t think [she] should spend any time around algebra” (39).

Melinda is told she is too old to trick-or-treat, which she is secretly relieved about. She has nobody to go with. To keep up her act, she stomps her way to her room and slams the door. A group of costumed children shows up at the door, and Melinda listens as her mother staunchly hands them each one piece of candy. Melinda recalls the last Halloween when she, Rachel, and the other girls dressed as witches and wore theatre makeup. Melinda felt powerful and invincible that night. For fun, the girls decided to light a candle in the dark and stare into a mirror to see their futures; Melinda saw nothing. Melinda resolves to spend her Halloween well, even if she is alone and her parents argue nearby. She reads Dracula and eats candy corn.

Melinda’s classes all go horribly. Mr. Neck spends the period ranting about school spirit, and Melinda is teased in Spanish class when the students find out that “linda” means “pretty” in Spanish. They call her “Me-no-linda” (42) all period, and Melinda regrets not taking German instead. She sarcastically wonders if aliens abducted her after the summer party and placed her in a fake school to be studied.

Heather finds a group of girls to hang out with and become part of the school like she wanted. The Marthas are a strict group that coordinates fashions, volunteers, and actively helps maintain the school and assist teachers. Heather is not immediately allowed to join; instead, she has to pass a probationary period. She is tasked with decorating the teachers’ lounge for a party and begs Melinda to help her. Melinda agrees and disappears just as the girls come to inspect Heather’s work. They compliment her but question why Melinda was with her. Heather explains that Melinda is a friend and the first person to welcome her here. Melinda overhears one of the girls comments, “She’s creepy. What’s wrong with her lips? It looks like she’s got a disease or something” (45). Heather once again says nothing to defend Melinda, and Melinda disappears to the washroom to cry. She washes her face afterward “until there is nothing left of it, no eyes, no nose, no mouth. A slick nothing” (45).

Melinda sees Andy Evans, whom she refers to only as “IT,” in the hallways at school. She describes him as her nightmare, and when he smiles at her, Melinda fakes a smile back. She displays her report card results, which are mostly Cs, aside from an A in art class.