The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

As a child, Olivia learns through observation and assumption that asking questions is not okay. She doesn’t question her belief that the reverend of her church is God himself, and no one in her life clarifies that belief. She learns not to ask her mother why the reverend visits their home every Monday and why they go into the bedroom every time or what they do in there. She never asks her mother why they can’t eat the peach cobbler themselves, and she just understands that it’s off limits. She doesn’t ask “why?” when her mother doesn’t allow her to go to her friend’s birthday party. The adults in her life have the authority, and it is clear that Olivia has been taught never to question authority. This belief serves the adults in her life and makes things easier for them, but it does not serve Olivia. She is neglected and realizes quickly that “none of [her mother’s] days were for [Olivia]” (40), only for pastor Neely and herself.

Olivia’s belief that Reverend Neely is God is part of her evolution as an independent person. She says that “he was big, black, and powerful, as I imagined God to be” (41). The way he moved about her life with such confidence and power convinced her not to question this misunderstanding until she was 10 years old. He was ever-present in her life–at church and in her home. He had some type of power over her mother, one that directed her mother’s attention away from Olivia, taking away what she so desperately needed and wanted. Her belief that church leaders were infallible allowed her to believe this lie for years and years of her life. Finally, when her mother realizes her daughter’s misunderstanding, she clarifies that Reverend Neely is just a man.

The irony and hypocrisy in the story are front and center as we read of the reverend’s sermons about “God’s wrath and judgment” and “God’s goodness and mercy” (41). Despite that the reverend is adulterating with Olivia’s mother, he preaches the danger of sin and judgment to the congregation in front of him. He drives a luxury car, “a gift from the congregation” (42), and takes from the people less fortunate than him, literally and metaphorically, in the case of Olivia. Wealth becomes a signal of righteousness (or pseudo righteousness) in this story–those with the most religious power and influence are more “blessed” with wealth and material things.

Olivia’s maturing body brings her and her mother grief. She starts her period before age 11, and her mother, shocked, says “you’re too young…you’re too young…” (53). Olivia feels her mother’s “crumpled face and the bulky pad between [her] legs” are a punishment (53). Rather than seeing this development as normal and neutral, she is conditioned to feel bad for growing into a woman. As her breasts grow, her mother “feels more embarrassed than [Olivia] was” and chastises her to cover up. This growing physical maturity creates more distance between Olivia and her mother than already exists. When Olivia feels desire toward Trevor, she feels sick at the thought of them touching each other. She says, “in that moment, I understood how enough desire could drown you, take you all the way under” (60). Because of the attitudes and actions of her mother surrounding her femininity and sexuality, she associates normal sexual desires with drowning and lack of control.

At the same time, femininity and sexuality become a tool for survival for both Olivia and her mother. At the end of the story, we learn that the reverend has been giving Olivia’s mother money over the years to keep a roof over their head, to keep their lights on, their water on. The deal between the reverend and Olivia’s mother allowed them to be physically stable. As an eleventh grader, Olivia uses her sexuality as a tool to get something she needs and desires—physical touch—y fooling around with boys in the park behind the school. In this way, sexuality becomes a source of power. When Olivia realizes that Trevor has a girlfriend, she sees the parallels between herself and Trevor and the reverend and her mother, a parallel that’s all the clearer when she receives the tutoring money. This is the moment she decides to break free from the cycle of dependence her mother has created.

Philyaw again addresses the theme of sexual “sin” and the hypocrisy of religious zealotry. The reverend is “just a man” and the way the community treats him as though he is more leads to his use and abuse of power. Olivia’s mother makes her feel as though she’s not good enough to even eat the cobbler out of the trash, as this treat is reserved for the pseudo-God, the reverend. This is comparable to the way that Renee feels about her father in “Dear Sister”; she thinks of him as infallible and Christ-like, despite his unworthiness.