The Well of Loneliness

“[S]he hated the way Stephen moved or stood still, hated a certain largeness about her, a certain crude lack of grace.”

Anna has these thoughts about Stephen when Stephen is seven years old. The specifics she lists here are all a result of Stephen’s resemblance to Sir Philip. The quote shows the deep-seated disgust Anna feel towards her daughter and implies that she feels this way because her daughter does not conform to gender stereotypes.

“Stephen first became conscious of an urgent necessity to love.”

At seven, Stephen has this revelation. The quote shows that Stephen has a deep sense of unanswered desire, even at an early age. Her “urgent necessity to love” drives her actions for the rest of the book.

“[I]t was worth being punished for Collins.”

Stephen has this thought after being punished for not paying attention to her lessons because she is too busy thinking about the maid, Collins, whom she has a crush on. This quote reveals the first of many instances in which Stephen sacrifices something for love, and it establishes that love and pain have a close relationship in Stephen’s life.

“‘I must be a boy, ‘cause I feel exactly like one.’”

Stephen says this to Collins when Stephen is dressed up like a man and trying to intrigue Collins. This quote displays the confusion Stephen feels surrounding her gender and the tension to come between Stephen’s inner feelings and her outward appearance.  

“‘Jesus won’t listen […] I can’t wait any longer for Jesus.’”

Stephen says this to Collins when she is explaining why she has purposely hurt her own knees. This quote frames the lifelong battle Stephen has with religion. This is the first of Stephen’s many attempts to converse with God and ask for his mercy, and the first of many times God seems to ignore her.

“‘Don’t worry your mother, just come to me, Stephen.’”

Sir Philip says this to Stephen after Stephen reveals her feelings toward Collins to Sir Philip. While there is already distance between Stephen and her mother, Sir Philip helped cement that distance. This quote also shows Sir Philip’s awareness that Anna will not understand or comfort her daughter given the opportunity.

“[T]hese days he had taken to sighing over Stephen.”

Sir Philip, who is taking Stephen to her first horse meet, feels a growing anxiety over Stephen. As a child, in the privacy of Morton, Sir Philip felt nothing but joy and pride in his daughter. Now, in the wider context of the public world, Sir Philip starts to notice things about Stephen that cause him anxiety. 

“She shrank back from the child.”

Anna shrinks back from Stephen after Stephen dismounts Raferty. This quote shows that Anna’s discontent with Stephen has developed into physical repulsion. It also shows that Anna fears Stephen, as Anna fears what she cannot understand.

“Stephen found herself put into harness for the first time in her life.”

Stephen has this sensation once she is under the tutelage of Puddle instead of Mademoiselle Duphot. The metaphor is apt as although a harness is put in place to limit motion, it also is used to help streamline energy into the most efficient places. Puddle does exactly this for Stephen: She restricts her energy, but only in an effort to shift it to more useful places. This quote also shows the stark difference between Stephen’s childhood, which was full of open doors, and her adulthood, in which most of those doors are closed. 

“[S]he gave just a little bit more—and that little bit more is the whole art of teaching, the whole art of life.”

This is a description of Stephen’s schoolteacher, Puddle, and the quote defines the terms of success in this book. Success, in Stephen’s world, is a result of going beyond the set expectations. Sir Philip was a successful father because he went beyond the duty of merely protecting his daughter, Puddle was a successful teacher because she acted as more than a teacher, and Stephen was a successful writer because she put more into her profession than mere words.  

“‘She’ll have to tackle life more forcibly than this, if she’s not going to let herself go under!’”

Puddle says this about Stephen after witnessing Stephen’s socially awkward presence at parties. Throughout Stephen’s life she has been told life is hard—by her father, by Mademoiselle Duphot, by Puddle—but never really had to believe it. This quote shows that Stephen is finally having to rise to the challenge and failing miserably. 

“‘Look again, go on looking until you do believe.’”

Martin says this to Stephen while pointing to the surrounding trees after she admits she isn’t sure of God’s existence. His statement roots belief in physical proof, and Stephen seeks this physical proof again and again throughout her life. She seems to have taken Martin’s advice to heart, as she goes on looking until the last page of the book.

“‘We’re like brothers, we enjoy all the same sort of things.’”

Stephen says this to Martin about her relationship to him. This quote the ideal relationship for Stephen—one devoid of sexual contact and based in mutual interest. It also shows that Stephen’s urgent need for acceptance as a male has continued into adulthood. 

“The world hid its head in the sands of convention, so that seeing nothing it might avoid the Truth.”

Puddle has this thought as she is lamenting Stephen’s unhappiness, which she feels stems from Stephen’s (and the rest of society’s) not understanding her sexuality. More than anything else in Stephen’s life, convention dominates. After her mother says she would rather see Stephen dead than gay, Stephen and Anna continue to visit in public together for the sake of convention. When Stephen and Mary are out in public places, they don’t act like a couple for the sake of convention. When Barbara is sick, Jamie can’t act as her lover for the sake of convention.

“‘You seem to belong to Morton.’”

Stephen says this to Angela the first time she visits Morton. This quote shows how important Angela is to Stephen—so important that she seems as comforting and integral as her childhood home. It also foreshadows the reality to come: that Angela will be the cause of Stephen losing Morton. 

“‘[N]o woman can really stand alone, she always needs a man to protect her.’”

Violet Antrim says this to Stephen after Violet gets engaged and is trying to persuade Stephen to do the same. Not only does this quote reflect the gender expectations of Stephen’s time, but it presents Stephen with the biggest challenge of her life: the ability to survive on her own without a man. It also brings up the idea that a man is needed for protection, something Stephen struggles with as she clambers to offer protection to others as a female.

“‘I couldn’t be one of those apologetic people who must always exist just under the surface, only coming up for a moment like a fish.’”

Angela says this to Stephen when she is trying to explain why she could never return to a life of poverty. This quote is ironic, as this description best befits Stephen’s life, not Angela’s. As a lesbian, Stephen must live most of her life covertly; only once in a while is she allowed to be her true self. It also forces a comparison between being poor and being homosexual, an idea this novel often nods to. 

“‘It is you who are unnatural, not I.’”

Anna says this to Stephen when she learns of Stephen’s romantic and sexual feelings towards Angela Crossby. This quote teases the idea of what it means to be natural, a distinction grappled with throughout the novel. There is a tinge of irony here as well, as Stephen is purportedly acting unnaturally by acting on physical sensations she has no control over, while Anna is supposedly acting naturally by hating her daughter because Stephen doesn’t fit into the social conventions of her time. 

“‘I shan’t need any stone to remember.’”

Stephen says this to Anna when Anna offers to have a gravestone made for Raferty. This quote reflects Anna’s reliance on the material world, as well as Stephen’s ability to exist beyond it. It is also ironic when one compares the stone Stephen purchased for Angela in hopes of helping her remember to the stone Anna wants to purchase for Stephen to help her remember Raferty.

“‘I think you may find that they’ll need you, Stephen.’”

Puddle says this to Stephen when Stephen expresses angst about her ability to help fight in the war. The war is the first time Stephen is needed for anything, marking a distinct shift in her life. The feeling of being needed affords her the self-confidence she needs to fall in love again in the future.

“[S]omeday she would get a real man to love her.”

Ramon, the senior gardener at Mary and Stephen’s vacation getaway, has this thought about Mary when he is pondering her and Stephen’s relationship. Homosexuality at this time, even when tolerated, was considered a youthful phase rather than something to take seriously. The quote touches on some of Stephen’s most deep-seated insecurities, namely that despite having several charming masculine qualities she can never provide what a “real” man could.

“‘[W]ork’s your only weapon. Make the world respect you.’”

Puddle says this to Stephen when Stephen visits Morton without Mary. This quote touches on the respectability politics Puddle so badly wants Stephen to succumb to. Puddle believes that Stephen needs to prove her intelligence, and that by doing so she will help homosexuals everywhere earn the respect they deserve. This quote also shows how Stephen’s loving soul and generosity have little bearing on people’s impression of her; it is only what she can produce with economic value that might change others’ minds.

“‘[U]nless there’s a God, where do some of us find even the little courage we possess.’”

Stephen says this to Martin one night when they are up late talking about their lives. Courage has remained important for Stephen throughout her life. The quote shows that Stephen has changed her mind about needing physical proof of God; she is now allowing her own existence to be proof enough.