To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Fiction | Novel | YA

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Chapters 18-21

Chapter 18 Summary

Lara Jean remembers her father had been on a cleaning spree, so he may have seen the hatbox of letters. He doesn’t remember seeing it but admits that it’s possible he donated it to the Goodwill. Lara Jean is in distress but can’t fully say why. Josh knocks on the door, and Lara Jean hides, horrified by the thought that Josh could have received his letter, too.

Chapter 19 Summary

Lara Jean’s father promises to stop by the Goodwill to see if the hatbox is there. Lara Jean tries to feel optimistic that none of the other letters were mailed out. Lara Jean leaves early to catch the bus to school rather than ride with Josh, whom she is still avoiding. Before she leaves, Kitty asks her if she’ll stay angry with their father if the hatbox is permanently gone, then answers her own question: Lara Jean doesn’t ever stay angry for long.

Chapter 20 Summary

Lara Jean is at her locker when Josh finally catches up to her and sure enough, he has her letter. Lara Jean tries to shrug it off, tells him it’s from a long time ago when she had a crush on him, but still begs him not to tell Margot. Josh is confused and struggles to ask the questions that will get him answers. Lara Jean notices that “He has this shell-shocked, confused expression on his face” (92) and wants to end the conversation before she cries. She must put on a strong façade that the letter doesn’t actually mean anything. Impulsively, she lies and tells Josh that she is dating Peter Kavinsky. Before Josh can question this lie further, Lara Jean launches herself at Peter, and they kiss in the hallway. Taken off guard but amused, Peter doesn’t reject her.

Lara Jean finally gets the opportunity to speak privately to Peter after their final period, and at first, she says the kiss was a joke. Peter tells her that his breakup with Genevieve is still fresh, so he’s not looking for a new girlfriend, even though he thinks Lara Jean is cute in a “quirky” way. Lara Jean explains to Peter that there were other letters, and one was found by the boy she actually does like—Josh, her sister’s ex-boyfriend—so she lied about dating Peter to avoid all the complications the truth would bring.

Chapter 21 Summary

Chris calls Lara Jean to ask if the rumored hallway kiss is true and is duly impressed when Lara Jean confirms. Chris warns her that Genevieve is upset about it even though she broke up with Peter. Lara Jean realizes how big of a problem she has gotten herself into and struggles to stifle her anxiety. She tries to relax by asking Kitty to hang out with her, but Kitty is going to a birthday party. Lara Jean is acutely aware of how alone she truly is.

Chapters 18-21 Analysis

Chapters 18 and 19 are two fast-paced chapters that build the narrative tension that explodes in Chapter 20. Han foreshadows who found the hatbox and sent the letters when Kitty tries to find out if Lara Jean will stay angry at their father. Though it is a passing comment, it’s a subtle reminder of Lara Jean’s temperament in comparison with Kitty’s.

Lara Jean is anxious about her missing letters, and her worst fears are confirmed when Josh confronts her with the letter she never meant for him to see. This is a major plot moment as things can never be the same between Lara Jean and Josh. Lara Jean has effectively lost her control over the problematic feelings she has for Josh, and now that the secret is out, it’s very possible that Margot will find out. Josh is understandably confused and shaken up, but Han’s characterization of his reaction suggests that Josh is feeling conflicted about his own feelings for Lara Jean. He mentions something about if she had just told him earlier, but he doesn’t finish his thoughts, and the reader doesn’t get a full understanding of Josh’s inner conflict. Han uses this characterization to demonstrate that this is a major development for Josh’s character, too. Now, the nature of their friendship must change, but both are already so lonely without Margot.

Han has made it clear that Lara Jean considers herself good at lying, but her impulse to lie about something so big is notable. She berates herself later for picking one of the most popular guys in school as the fake boyfriend instead of a made-up person or a stranger. Regardless, the real issue for Lara Jean is the act of lying itself, something she knows Margot would admonish her for. Lara Jean finally has the opportunity to release her guilt and come clean to Josh about her feelings, yet, Lara Jean cannot own up to her truth and instead avoids having the difficult conversation with Josh, who deserves to have answers. Furthermore, Lara Jean has doubled her social problems because Genevieve, Peter’s popular ex-girlfriend, is now upset with Lara Jean. Lara Jean tried to avoid one disaster by getting herself mixed up in an even messier problem.

A striking moment of self-reflection happens in Chapter 21, when Lara Jean realizes how alone she truly is with these very big problems. Her few friendships with Margot, Josh, and the flighty Chris were fine for a while, but also allowed Lara Jean to close herself off. Now, with Margot gone and the foundation of her relationship with Josh altered, Lara Jean realizes how lonely she is. Han uses this conflict as another potential area of character growth: Lara Jean has no one to confide in, and so she must deal with this problem on her own; this is a huge undertaking and can make her isolate herself even more, or she will finally make herself available for more friendships.