Who Understands Me but Me

“Who Understands Me but Me” depicts a psychological journey one man takes to reclaim his sense of self amidst the degrading conditions of incarceration. Though the speaker never says it directly, he implies he discovers the voice of the “soul” in his isolation. He finds this aspect of himself, emerging a changed man, through overcoming challenges. Paradoxically, it is through facing degrading circumstances and inhumane treatment that he confronts his fear, hatred, and failure, and only in so doing is he able to love himself.

At the start of the poem, the speaker tells the reader what “they” did to him. “They” may be the guards of the prison or anyone in society who denied his livelihood, dignity, or sense of self. “They” take away his physical comforts, including water, a view of nature, the sunlight, and the ability to move freely. They “lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere” (Line 4), says the speaker. Then they take psychological attributes, including his tears, his heart, and his life, which they crush so that he “live[s] without a future” (Line 7). They tell him he is “beastly” (Line 8) and “stop up each hope, so [he has] no passage out of hell” (Line 9). All of this sounds brutal and dehumanizing, but the speaker reveals at the end of the first stanza that it is “beautiful” and that it has caused him to find “other freedoms” (Lines 15, 16).

In the second of the poem’s two stanzas, the speaker reveals that these deprivations not only fail to crush his spirit, but they have also become the catalyst for change. That act of change is not easy: “[N]o passage out of hell” (Line 9) indicates that rather than turning away negative feelings and suffering, the speaker is forced to confront himself. He must live with pain, self-hatred, and even his own smell.

Presumably the speaker is being ironic when he says, “they have changed me, and I am not the same man” (Line 12). Based on his descriptions, the reader would logically expect deterioration or rage, but he surprises by asking, “who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms?” (Line 16). The way he posits this as a question, implying that nobody would believe this truth, suggests that he too was surprised by the outcome.

Stanza 2 begins with the speaker clarifying that his “freedom” is not physical but psychological:

I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand,

I cannot make the heavens open or the earth tremble,

I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love,

my beauty (Lines 17-20).

The speaker reveals that he has recognized not only the positive aspects of himself, his “love” and “beauty” (Lines 19, 20), but also the negative aspects of himself. He is “taken by [his] failures, astounded by [his] fears” (Line 21), causing him to feel “stubborn and childish” (Line 22). Despite these negative feelings, the speaker manages to rediscover himself in ways he never dreamed of previously.

Next, he compares himself with an “old tracker” (Line 30)—someone who hunts animals and people by observing the landscape. In this case, he is tracking himself or parts of himself that he does not fully understand yet. The metaphor suggests more negative aspects of the self. The path is “blood-spotted” (Line 31) and takes him to regions that are dangerous. It implies he encounters more of his own negative personality traits and destructive capabilities on this journey to self-discovery. Yet, he is rewarded by finding “parts of [him]self never dreamed of by [him]” (Line 25), some of which “taught [him] water is not everything, / and gave [him] new eyes to see through walls” (Lines 33-34).

This description suggests something mysterious and mystical. To find a part of the self more important than water recalls descriptions of spiritual renewal, because the spirit transcends physical needs. The phrase “new eyes to see through walls” (Line 34) also suggests supernatural, mystical powers associated with higher knowledge. Above all, these different parts of himself pledge loyalty to him, meaning that the speaker vows to love himself when others refuse to do so.

The guards intended to smother the speaker by denying him sunlight and humane treatment, yet the speaker reveals that his captivity had the reverse effect. This surprises him, which is why the poem ends not with a statement but with a question about understanding beauty despite the physical circumstances.